Shells.

I watched America's Next Top Model earlier today and was inspired to have a self-portrait photo shoot. Here are my favorites because yes, I think I am beautiful, and no this does not make me vain. Jesus' real love in my heart is what makes me beautiful. My body is just a shell, but I assure you it is not an empty one.

Washed out Myspace pic

It's amazing what a little eyeliner can do for your self-esteem. I think modeling would be fun, but it's only about what's on the outside and how well your looks sell what you're wearing. That is precisely why I've always wanted to go into radio, because what's on the inside (and how you give voice to it) is all that matters. God is so faithful to give us the desires of our heart. Sigh... I'll be on the radio soon enough. :)

Xoxo,
K




p.s. I am desperately craving a chicken club pita with feta, ranch and black olives from Pita Pit right now. Why must it be two hours away??? WHY?

Growing Old.

I'm getting older. I can feel it in my bones. "Like butter, scraped over too much bread" (Bilbo Baggins). I'm not afraid of aging, because it is growth above all else. Life is not the same as it was for me a year ago. Every day that passes that I am not in a serious relationship, married with children, or in an established career, I realize that all of the plans I made as a child (which includes everything up until my 19th birthday), were all done out of naivety. We cannot plan our lives and expect it to go according to what we decide. We don't have that kind of power over ourselves. I am really thankful for my unpredictable life though. If everything in my life went according to plan, between my freshman year of college and now, I would be married to my bipolar boyfriend and likely be taking care of a child. Instead, I am waiting patiently to go into the Air Force and go on a phenomenal adventure. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for allowing me heartache then instead of lifelong disappointment.

My mum and I have been talking a lot the last few days, and it's great to know we have a genuine, loving friendship. We've come along way from what we were, and I owe that all to the grace of Jesus Christ that covers me. I know she loves me because she sacrificed for me for years. I just want to do everything I can to take care of her, and show her that I appreciate everything she's done for me. Because she has helped me become who I am. I don't claim to have it all together, but the things I do have figured out are in large part thanks to my little Costa Rican momma. It used to bother me when people told me that I look exactly like her, but now I don't hate it. In fact, I hope physical features aren't the only thing she and I have in common. I hope I have my mother's heart. Because she's become everything I've needed in a friend and I know she would do anything for me.

It hurts me when I think that my life could have turned out so differently if my parents had never divorced. I think about the way things could have been but, in the process, discredit the huge lessons I've learned through it all. I learned what it means to love my family and forgive them, no matter how painful or hateful their fighting words may be, for love covers the multitude of sins. Jesus has shown me how He loves me by teaching me to love and reconcile with them when I didn't think I had anything left to give of myself. And through all of the pain, He has shown me love. And just how undeserving we are of it. Not one of us deserves what we have, and there's nothing we can do to earn it either. It is simply a gift from God. We must share it with others, or else we become enclosed in our shell and die a painful, hopeless emotional death.

To need someone's love is to be born, to hold them close is to breathe for the first time, every time. I am tired of holding my breath, and I am tired of the darkness. I'm getting older and I'm truly happy on my own. I just want someone to share my joy with. I'm not looking for a boyfriend, and I'm not looking to settle down (geographically). But I have an unconditional well of love in my chest and I'm ready to pour this blessing into the heart of someone else. Lord, prepare me and keep me in Your Word so I can make decisions that put me in alignment with your will for my life. Shatter and mold the heart of my future husband so we don't make the same mistakes as our parents. Help us raise a family that is taught to love by being loving, and not the hard way by always having to forgive us, the parents, for our wrong-doings. May separation never be an option because you intended the covenant of marriage to be unbroken. And may we never divorce our hearts from You, Beloved.

Headed In the Right Direction.

84 days until I leave for Basic. I am so very excited. I love list making, so yesterday I decided to make a list of all of the things that I need to finish between now and April 5th. Last night I cleaned my room and wrote down all of the projects that I started but never finished. I also listed ideas for new projects to do over the next 84 days. It's one thing to feel the urgent need to finish stuff, but it's a whole different feeling of accomplishment when you finish something and can cross it off a list. My plan for this season in my life is to check off as many objectives as possible.

I have struggled immensely with procrastination, and I'm really bad about focusing on one project at a time. It is both a blessing and a curse to have so many ideas buzzing around in my brain. But Francyne is teaching me how to focus on one thing at a time with the leeway of pausing to talk about and sketch ideas, so I can be both productive and creative. It's simply a matter of channeling my creativity into one specific medium, and seeing it through to the end. It's definitely easier said than done, because the temptation to do so many different things will always be there. But, I can only read one book at a time, or sew one dress, or crochet one scarf, or paint one picture. Acknowledging my limitations is helping me embrace organization. I should have done this years ago.

Snow Day.

It's overcast today because it's going to start snowing here real soon. In honor of winter finally starting to look like winter, I'm listening to "Winter Song" by Sara Barilles and Ingrid Michaelson on repeat. I think I shall embrace the sleepiness today with coffee, books, colored pencils and my sketch book, my journal, and pajamas all day. There is something wonderful about days like today. Solitude becomes solace. The day cannot be ruined because it's already a sad day, but only for a lack of sun. No other reason.

I'm going to make a lomo wall in my bedroom, but I can't decide if I want to rearrange my room first. I've been thinking about moving my bed to be next to my window for sometime, but I haven't done it yet. Maybe today is that day. If it is that day, I will post pictures. If it is not that day, I will most likely report what I've learned from reading and maybe post pictures of some sketches. Or maybe I won't do any of that, and I'll just write about it in my journal and you'll never know what I learned... Hmm. I guess we shall all have to wait and see. Because not even I know what will happen. After all, it's supposed to snow. And white numbs me, so I may very well lose all inspiration to do anything, which would be rather tragic.

If someone would just bring me key lime pie, this day would be perfect...

p.s. My friend Damon took this picture my junior year of high school. My two friends Karl and Jimbo are seen here, with Karl's long red hair draped over Jimbo's head. It always cracks me up and I thought you might enjoy it. We had some good times in BSE... Good times.

Oh-so-dumb, but oh-so-fun.

Xoxo,
K

My New Sweetheart

Francyne and I went to Hob Lobb yesterday afternoon to pick up some canvas when we discovered that HL was having a 99 cent sale on all of their patterns! So, we found a few dresses that we wanted to make and decided on our first project, a super cute halter dress by Simplicity. She stayed the night and so we used that as an excuse to stay up late working on them. She left this afternoon and I decided to finish mine. And ta da! Here she is! It's a halter dress with a zipper and hook and eye fasten in the back. I do believe it's my favorite things I've ever sewn. I can't believe I just made myself a new summer dress! I can't wait to sweat in it. Summer will be here soon, but not soon enough.

You can't tell but it has pockets!
Every dress needs pockets. <3

I just loveeee the fabric and the sweetheart bust line.

Francyne and I are going to start rotating our craft projects each week. We're going to start baking, painting, and sewing, then use the last Friday of each month to do nothing but finish projects. I'm so excited. She helps me stay focused on finishing projects and I really appreciate that. I'll normally start something, then get a stroke of genius how I can make a better one or something completely different, and I'll start on that. It's a really bad habit, Creative ADD. But Fcyne is my focuser, so I'm going to continue starting and finishing projects from here on out! That is my New Years Resolution, by the way. See things through until the end. I'm normally a quitter, but not this year!

I love this girl. 15 years strong. xoxo

I love the fabric she picked out!
She chose the knee length version.
It's going to be so adorable when it's done!!!

My next sewing project, that I'm starting this evening, is a double-breasted vest. I'll post pictures when it's done! Can't wait!

Love,

K

Hair Down.

My week has been rather excellent. I've played outside with Jack, sidewalk chalked, drawn silly things, flailed and danced off-beat, and listened to lots of summer music. I love the feeling of knowing you're where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing. I haven't had real peace like this since... well, ever.

Jack, Woody and I went to the park today.

paint...

I'm working on a few different paintings today. First, is my brother's Christmas present. It's going to be a picture with a bunch of different flowers with faces with a quote from Sister Towanda Mason, our family friend who recently past away. My brother helped her for a week several years back, and did a lot of garden work for her because she couldn't do it all on her own anymore. She always told him "God paints each little flower face, no two are the same. That just shows how He knows each of us and sees how beautiful each of us are." So I'm going to paint the quote above the flowers. I really hope it turns out well. I'm going to use the color scheme from a birthday card she gave me last year.

Another painting I'm going to start on is from a sketch I did today. I need to change the angle of her shoulders a bit, but it'll have the main components of the sketch.


I've been sketching a lot lately. I discovered a stash of Prismacolors that I've had forever, only I didn't know they were Prismas when I got them. I found them a few weeks ago, and have been using them a lot lately. I love color. :)




I wish it was summer today, but it's not. So I'm painting in my bathing suit and camp apron because it feels like summer to me. I hope today feels like summer to you. Turn up your heater, drink some lemonade, wear shorts and listen to summer jams from the 90's and I promise you'll see the sunshine in your mind.

Love,
K

Sassy, Classy, and a little Bad-Assey.

It's a New Year!!!


Life has been rather marvelous lately. New Years Eve was a gas, which I spent with my lovely friend, Sam, and her homies. It was wonderful making new friends and discovering people who are crazy about the same things as I am. They quoted more 30 Rock episodes in one night than I've ever heard previously in my entire life, and I loved it. It's so great to be in a new year! Ahh... 2011, you make me smile. This year marks several large landmarks for my young life. For one, I'm officially going into the Air Force in three months (and two days)! Woo hoo! And two, I'll be turning 21, which doesn't effect me much considering I don't party like I used to. But the freedom to have a drink with my brother and sister will now be available to me. I'll be living on the East Coast for the first time ever, which puts me closer to both Michael and Lauren/Aaron! I'm very excited about being able to see them more than just once a year.


Life is rather wonderful in the way it slowly progresses, yet flies by still the same. I cannot believe it's already January. I'm trying really hard to utilize my free time better, seeing as I won't have any quite like this until I retire, which shan't be for quite a while. I've decided to make goals for different projects and such at the beginning of every month. When I meet every goal, I'll check it off my list. Then at the end of the month, if I've met all of my goals, I'm going to reward myself with something. January's reward will be something from American Apparel and a cactus key necklace from Bueno Bueno, on bigcartel.com. I'm stoked!

Jack in our last fort of 2010. <3

Jack Jack...


I start working with Jack again tomorrow. It's been three weeks since I've worked with him. I really miss that little guy. Tomorrow is going to be phenomenal. First thing tomorrow, we're building a fort! Then we'll find something fun to do outside, despite the cold. Perhaps sidewalk chalk or something. It'll be grand. I didn't know it was possible for be to be as bored as I've been for the last three weeks. I survived though and that is all that matters, because tomorrow is a new day and my schedule will return back to normal! Huzzah!




Ran...


I worked out today, which I haven't done but once in the last three months (yikes). The run was fine, but it was the push-ups that got me. Dad was coaching me and counting for me. He saw me struggling on regular push-ups, so told me to do girl push-ups for the next few weeks to build my upper body strength back up again. I felt so pathetic, but conditioning doesn't happen over night, so I'm just gonna have to get used to feel like a failure until I'm stronger. I've dropped like 17 pounds since May. I'm really proud of it because it was all done by eating healthier. Less alcohol, soda and pizza (I miss working at Hideaway Pizza solely because of the discount), and more fruit, water, and organic stuff. It definitely helps that Nonna cooks real food, instead of the most "real" food on campus being Which Wich... Thinking about food is making me miss my fat days. ha

Before (in May). Rrrrough.
On second thought...

After. (At the beginning of December)
 Your welcome, world.

Ready for Love...


I read an article today about the best ways to make this the year that I find love. It was charming in a... needy sort of way. But I liked two things that it suggested. First, 'one must live as if they are already in love'. Live like you already have that person in your life so that way, when it happens, you'll have already created room in your life for that person. From clearing out and giving away clothes you don't wear (so as to make room for someone else's shirts in your closet) to giving yourself off one night every week (for date night, of course!). I thought it was great because it works wonders for friendships and romantic relationships alike, thus giving one a more rich and fulfilling life! And who doesn't want that? 
Secondly, it suggested writing out a sort of declaration or credo, and verbalizing "to the universe" that this is the year for love. It said to make to light a candle, read the credo aloud to yourself, then blow the candle out to symbolize that you're sealing the deal. I love symbolism, so if I were single and ready to mingle, I'd probably blow out twenty candles. I like the practice of speaking things into existence. "If you confess with your mouth and believe it in your heart" sort of thing. It takes faith. And I appreciate that.


It reminded me of the song "Ready for Love" by India Arie. In one of her live performances posted online of that song, she prefaces the song by saying "It's not for a specific person, or to a specific person. It's to God, to the energy of Love to come and bless my life." This song is one of the many reasons why I know she and I are sisters. She gives my heart words when it has none.


"If you give me half a chance,
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music,
a man who loves art,
respects the Spirit world,
and thinks with his heart."




Most Sincerely,
Miss K