Beautiful Music.

Miss Rae Cassidy

I fell in love with the music of Rae Cassidy this summer when Brooklyn Bagel introduced me to her favorite song Garden Guide. However, the first time I heard her wonderful voice was on Copeland's track "The Day I Lost My Voice (the Suitcase Song)" on their album You Are My Sunshine. 

My words will not do justice to explain how wonderful her music is, so I highly suggest looking her up on http://www.myspace.com/raecassidy ! Brooklyn just informed the world, via Facebook, that Miss Rae might be coming down to Ft. Smith for a birthday concert! I am so thrilled and I hope you are too. She's phenomenal and it would be an honour to get to spend an evening with her.

 I feel like her and I are soul sisters. That is why music is so dear to me. The power of melody and lyrics extend far beyond basic comprehension and interpretation. Music is experienced, and the emotion a song portrays is tangible to the soul. I believe the true judge of good music (and art in general) is by how strongly you feel connected to the artist. Taste is all subjective based on who you are as a person, what you have gone through in life, and what you hope to become. 

The reason why I love Rae Cassidy and her song "Garden Guide" is because her lyrics delve into Song of Songs 4:12 which says "My sister, my spouse, is a garden enclosed, a garden enclosed, a fountain sealed up." She calls attention to God as her Garden Guide, and paints a picture with words of the beauty that the Lord is growing her into. She sings to her [future] husband, who she is encouraging that the Lord will teach them love through each other, and that they will grow together and bring beauty into the world with His help. The end of the song becomes a prayer "Bring us love. See us give. Keep us near. Watch us live for you, Lord. For you, Lord."

 This is my desire, and I can sing her words from my heart. They are true to me, a young woman in love with an amazing God, aspiring to become all that He desires. God is love, and I want to share that with a man one day. Rae Cassidy makes it very clear in her music that she loves Jesus. I can only hope that people can clearly see my love for Him in my art.

Yours Truly,

K

Post Script: You should watch the video for "The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song)", or at least listen the it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlPQF0ATGi8  

Dear Future, Love Kristen.

Dear Future,

Alone Isn't Lonely by Black Orchid

Life is one wild journey. The way "coincidence" constantly plays a part in my life has made me realize that it is far more than chance that guides me through the tears, the laughter, and the mundane. God has His hand in my life and I hope you acknowledge and live by this truth. It's not easy living life because everything changes so unexpectedly. But I know you're out there. And I know you're waiting for me.
When the Lord decides that it's time for you to reveal yourself to me and become a permanent part of my life, I won't believe it's you at first. I'll doubt you. I'll question my own motives. And I'll cry a lot because I've been disappointed a lot. But everything that I've experienced has been to preserve me for your love. To help me recoil into the arms of my First True Love, so I can wait and heal in the shelter and glory of Jesus Christ. He is making me into the woman that He needs me to be to further His kingdom through art, beauty, and genuine love. I imagine He is taking you through similar lessons right now. Our hearts will remain tender if we remain in Him, and it will work out exactly like it's supposed to for you and I. When the day comes that you pursue me and I run away, do not be discouraged. It is merely a defense mechanism. I won't know who you are at first, and my past has taught me to run away from guys who seem too good to be true... because they are master manipulators, and I can never seem to tell.
Things won't always be easy. Sometimes I will need to cry because I'm not used to real love from men. Sometimes I will say hurtful things and act like I want you to leave, but you must realize I do this to protect myself. Vulnerability is scary. Insecurities are not pretty, but I have a few. I'm afraid you'll cheat on me when I least expect it. I am afraid you'll stop loving me, leave and I won't know why. I'm afraid we won't know how to continue a marriage beyond 16 years because I've never seen it done. I am afraid you'll be the father of my children and not know how to love them. But all these fears aside, I trust you. I know that you will be the man I need you to be on the day that we grow to love each other. Jesus is teaching how to be loving, patient, gentle, forgiving, and self-controlled. I'm never going to be perfect, but dang it I'm going to try. Because I am worth it. And you are worth it. And the beautiful marriage that the Lord will bless us with will be far beyond both of our expectations.

All of that to say this... when you're ready, I'll be ready.

Love,
Kristen

Quality Control Check List

I've had a list of standards for the kind of man I'd like to marry for a long time. It's been refined over several years of dating here and there. After finding out that the guy I was dating two days ago was a lying man whore, I decided that I should make my standards known to the public so all my friends can watch my back and make sure I'm not compromising. So, here is the list.

#1 He must love Jesus more than He loves me, so he can be the spiritual leader in our relationship.
#2 Must put family before work.
#3 Must be very responsible with money.
#4 Must be decisive and ambitious.
#5 Must be artistic and inspire me.
#6 Must be spontaneous and always willing to try new things, no matter how embarrassing or crazy.
#7 Must be a life-long learner.
#8 Must take me to gallery exhibits, museums, movies, concerts and other various artistic performances without me having to beg. (cough, Harry Potter, cough cough)
#9 Must enjoy musicals, theatre, and my melodramatic tendencies and costume-y wardrobe.
#10 Must have a serious fashion sense and style that compliments mine.
#11 Must love dancing.
#12 Must love my family and friends, no matter how crazy they are.
#13 Must laugh at poop jokes and farting.
#14 Must desire purity.
#15 Must be a perfectly compatible kisser.
#16 Must help me stay organized and work efficiently, because sometimes I work harder, not smarter
#17 Must have a personality that fits perfectly into the dynamics of my siblings.
#18 Must know how to put his feelings into words.
#19 Must never write me cheesy love songs unless they're written as a joke... because otherwise, I'll laugh. Really hard.
#20 Must know the appropriate times to be romantic and affectionate, and when not to be... like not when we're in the kitchen with your entire family.
#21 Must be tall enough for me to fit comfortably and securely in his arms.
#22 Must always encourage me to do what I am passionate about, and never try to talk me out of being in the Air Force " for us".
#23 Must be sensitive to and understand that divorce has made my family life more complicated than necessary, but that he doesn't love them any less because of it.
#24 Must appreciate the occasional alcoholic beverage, but NEVER over-do it. Intoxication is not tolerated.
#25 Must be wiser and stronger than me.
#26 Must desire to live a life of worship and to further the kingdom of God by loving people and investing like Jesus called us to.
#27 Must have an understanding and respect for the supernatural.
#28 Must be a hard worker.
#29 Must be skilled in basic carpentry and know how to chop wood.
#30 Must be willing to compromise and come up with ways to discipline children.
#31 Must have an amazing family that we can spend the holidays with.
#32 Must love reggae, sunshine, potheads, tie dye and huge musical festivals.
#33 Must be lean and athletic. Not chubby or skinny.
#34 Must understand why songs in C minor and rainy days make me want to lay in bed and read all day.
#35 Must be intuitive.
#36 Must love nature, camping, trees, and the stars.
#37 Must love tattoos.
#38 Must be great with children.
#39 Must be musically inclined. At the very least, be able to sing well.
#40 Must appreciate and exercise proper grammatical form and syntax in text messages. (I.E. The proper use of 'to', 'too', and 'two'; 'there', their', and they're', etc.)
#41 Must be well versed in the classics, both film and books.
#42 Must have the same sense of humor as I, and make me peemypants laughing.
#43 Must like shopping.
#44 Must be gentle with his words of constructive criticism, and not harsh enough to make me cry.
#45 Must be very photogenic and look good in plaid.
#46 Must love Harry Potter. Passionately.
#47 Must not be allergic to cats or peanut butter.

You make your past, your past.

I have a lot of words that could do justice to the way I feel right now, but they wouldn't do justice to my class, grace, or Maker. I am not going to cut anyone down for the actions and falsities committed against me. I'm a lady and will carry myself in such a manner. The only words that are worthy of leaving my lips concerning the situation that has recently played out in my life are the lyrics of one of my favorite women, India.Arie. I can, however, speak for myself when I say thank you to the wonderful, honest women that saved me a lot of future heartache in revealing the truth. You know people love you when they don't want to see you suffer any more than you have to; when they'll tell you the dirty truth to save you from getting serious with a scoundrel. Thank you, sweet ladies.

The Truth by India
"There ain't no substitute for the truth, either it is or it isn't.
 You see the truth, it needs no proof, either it is or it isn't.
 And you know the truth by the way you feel."

Ready for Love by India
"If you give me half a chance I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful, and true
to a man who loves music, a man who loves art,
respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart."

The moral of the story is that you cannot expect someone who loves the world to live by a higher standard, a Holy standard. But even by the world's standards, infidelity is frowned upon. Even still, I serve a faithful God who is already everything I need. No man is faithful like He is, and I don't need any other love than that of my sweet Jesus.

Gotta love crochet bombing. <3

One of my favorite quotes is by Ron McManus. It says "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I'm not going to kill myself over this sad situation. Cry? Yes. But turn to stone with hatred? Nay. In fact, I'm going to do quite the opposite. I am going to grow from this. Pain reminds me of how delicate the human heart is. Everyone needs honesty, and we yearn for companion relationships because our Creator made us need that. The hunt is over, ladies and gents. True Love found me and I'm swooning. God is such a jealous God. I love how He loves me.

Scarlett with Gemma Ward. Notice her subtle nose jewelry?

On a different note, I'm going to spend some quality girl time with my sweet sister-friend, Laina, today. She's my fellow Freakin' Rican. We're going to get piercings today! Or at least I am. I'm getting my septum done. Hip hip hooray! I saw a few pictures of the gorgeous Scarlet Johansson with hers done this morning and it confirmed my desire to have it done. I've wanted to get it done for a while now and I decided today is the day. I figure five months is plenty of time to enjoy it before Basic! Anywho, I'm off to fix my mullet with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Jah Love to my sweet, charming blog-reading babies. xoxo

Jesus: Far More than a Felt Board Cut-out

I love people. I really, truly do. But there's this sacred part of my heart that I don't give to people. I used to always throw it at unsuspecting flavors of the week and my "bffl"s. However, I've learned that you simply cannot place your sacred heart in anything but Holy hands. People disappoint. But God has never let me down. Not once. The soft, beating thing in my chest cannot handle exposure to the sickness of this world. The only way I know how to protect it is by leaving it in God's care. By being in His word, loving like He loves me, and serving to glorify Him, my heart is protected. And only here can I love others fully.
I'm getting ready to leave for four years of adventure. And I absolutely cannot wait. But I am not looking forward to leaving those friends that have proven more faithful than family. But it's all part of the plan, the bigger picture. I am thrilled to continue growing in the Word, to know Jesus more intimately, and to share the pure joy of my salvation with whoever will listen.
I am in love with a King that willingly became a servant to all mankind for the sake of Love. My God humbled himself and came in the form of a helpless, vulnerable infant. He suffered and was tempted just like me. He put up with this crazy world so He could understand what we go through. He died a tortured, drawn-out, publicly humiliating death so we would not have to suffer an equal death for our screw-ups. And we are made whole through the blood that was generously poured onto the greedy ground of Calvary. We do not have to live in the rotting, carnal desire of our flesh because when He rose from the dead, we were given new life through Him. We've shed the dead weight, and we are made new! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!" Need I say more?

Seven Swans Day.

Things have been rather exciting and eventful as of late. I found out on Monday that my official leave date is April 5th. Tuesday, I found out I have to enroll in a typing class before the end of January. I've been sick for the last two weeks. It started out as a cold, but turned into a sinus infection, so I finally went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. It just sucks not having energy ALL the time. I'm so ready to start working out again, but it's all been on hold going on three weeks now. I got it from James. Somehow he managed to get well within the first week without taking any medicine and very few vitamins. Apparently my immune system blows compared to his. He says it's because I drink coffee and he doesn't. According to him, caffeine depletes the essential vitamins and nutrients from your body that are necessary to fight off germs.
I've started putting in applications to different places so I can get a full time job somewhere, and maybe a part-time job somewhere else. And since I'm gonna be here for a while, I decided to take a few online classes through TCC. I'm really excited about learning again! I've maintained sanity over the last three months by going for a bike ride or a walk if I needed to get away for a bit. But it's cold and I'm sick so that exercise isn't possible. Laaaaame. So I have to do something to keep myself busy. And painting and reading all the time is just not enough for me. It's losing it's specialness cuz I do it all the time now.
Granted, it's put me in a state of constant inspiration. But it's not enough to suffice my needs mentally. I need more of a challenge, which is ironic because I took off this semester because I thought I was an academic failure and I truly don't know what I want to major in... still. But I'm not going to worry about it. God is so faithful and He works everything out for His glory, which is exactly what I want Him to do with my life. So I'm just going to continue trusting that He'll provide clarification and guidance.

On a different note, it is cold outside. And I've started wearing scarves and sweaters everyday. Although I hate the bitter cold, cutting wind of the Oklahoma plains, I love that it's cold enough to layer. I love layers! And gloves! And fuzzy socks! Thank reminds me, I need to invest in wool socks this winter. Maybe something like this...

I'm looking forward to this evening. James and I are hanging out. I like him a lot. And his momma, Debbie, likes me too so things are working out quite nicely. She bought me a gorgeous scarf the other day just because she was thinking about me. Isn't that so kind? I think he's making me dinner this evening. I love cooking with him. I actually feel useful in the kitchen now! But he's way more creative than I am when it comes to food. I'm always impressed with what he comes up with.

Anyway, I'm off to go hang out at the youth building for a bit. Ta ta!

Community.

Since I've been back from camp, consistency in my relationship with God and with people has been so difficult. It's not that I try to push away from those relationships. I'm just alone a lot, so I've learned to survive by doing my own thing and not getting emotionally attached to anyone. But Jesus is wrecking this habit and replacing it with the straight truth that I need people. I hate needs that I cannot meet by myself, and this is the ultimate admittance of dependency. I need people. More importantly, I need people that need Jesus as much as I do. I need people that love glorifying Him with everything they are. I need a community that is made up of messed up, passionate people that will love me like Jesus loves me.
I love the incredible people that I'm surrounded by here in Owasso. I'm just not used to optional community, so I've become a loner because I genuinely like being alone. Even as I write this, I am the only living thing in my house and I like it. A lot. This is really healthy, I'm sure of it. It's so necessary to have quiet time and reflect on the way things are in your life. But the key to success is taking what you discovered in your quiet time and sharing that with someone else. So that's what this blog is. This is me saying I need people, despite my loner tendencies. If I don't want to hang out, it's not because I hate your guts. I just need to be alone to think.
Please be in my inner circle. Feel free to make yourself a part of my life. Because that's exactly what I need. And I wouldn't be surprised if I know a thing or two that might be able to help you out. I love you because Jesus is showing me how. Let's grow together and show everyone what it looks like to be a God-centered community.

Jah Love, K.

p.s. I finally got my license on Monday and secured my Air Force job. I'm a very late bloomer, what can say?Also, I found out that I'll get to choose my second career (with Broadcast, I get to do one career when I'm home and then Broadcast when I'm overseas). I'm going to choose either Public Affairs or Still Photography. The Air Force is making all my dreams come true. I've wanted to learn to do photography and be a radio dj for quite a while now. All my ambitions are actually being fulfilled. Thanks, Uncle Sam! xoxo

Gratitude.

Listen to the song "Little Things" by India Arie that's posted at the bottom.
 It is the melody that my heart is singing.

I know gratitude is a rather cliche subject to address this month, considering Thanksgiving is minutes away. But a bird must fly, a fish must swim, and a thankful girl must blog about gratitude. That's just how nature works, ladies and gents. I am so blessed (the only churchy word I'll use in this blog. promise) to be totally surrounded by wonderful people who want me to live the best quality life possible. First of all, my four parental units love me so much and they all have different ways of showing it. Mom and Raul are so sweet, randomly call to tell me that they're thinking about me and praying that I have a wonderful day. And Dad and Nonna still go out of their way to do unnecessary kind things like buy me cookies, cook me breakfast, and invite me on all their outings.
They all love me a lot. They let me know by waking me up in the morning with a fresh pot of coffee, going shopping with me at Hobby Lobby and taking on little sewing projects; inviting me to karate class Halloween parties, cleaning up my throw up when I get a stomach virus, and praying for me when I'm stressing about something. Even though divorce sucks, my family is better for the fact that I hit the jackpot on crazy, loving, foreign step parents.
 Also my brother and sister and the coolest people I know. The fact that 1) I am related to them, and 2) we have the exact same smile, makes me pretty dang cool by association, I think. Lauren is a saint on the inside and a beautiful women on the outside. Michael is a wonderful, loving, generous man on the inside and a super duper tough Marine on the outside.
Family is just the beginning of what I am thankful for. Not to mention incredible friends that encourage me and push me to grow in all facets of life. A promising future in the Air Force. An awesome recruiter who has completely changed my perspective of the military. A sweet man friend holds my hand and gets lost in books at Barnes and Noble with me. Constant inspiration to glorify God through my art all over the place. A sweet family that trusts me to teach and take care of their awesome four-year-old son every week. A warm bed. Food to eat. Clean water. A pretty wardrobe. A job that pays me weekly about what people in other countries make in a month.
I cannot take credit for any of the things and people I have in my life. I don't deserve any of it. I didn't earn any of it. There's nothing I could do to deserve the incredible love I have in my life except to give it all back to God. To glorify Him by saying that everything I have and know to be my reality is because He loves me. No other reason.
Thank you, Jesus, for all that you are in my life and all that you will be. Take everything I have and make it beautiful. Make it Yours. May it be so.

Follow the link and watch the music video for "Little Things" by India Arie. It's lovely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xZPMlCkDY8&ob=av2e

Big days.

My new love.

So, I found out a few days ago why I haven't booked my Broadcast job yet. It is a requirement for the job to have your driver's license. And guess who still doesn't have theirs? ... You guessed it! Moi! I know you're probably asking yourself "Why the heck doesn't she have her license at age 20?" I ask myself the same question everyday. But the answer to that question cannot be answered simply, so I'm not even going to try to explain it. But the reason why I brought up one of my few flaws ( because I have so few ha) is because my immobility is about to be terminated. I'm going to get my license on Monday! I was going to wait until the end of the month, but my recruiter called me on Thursday and told me I needed to get it ASAP, or else I might find myself stuck in Owasso for another six more months... which is not exactly an appealing thought.

Hanging out with Francyne, Abbie, James and my parental units all the time make living here fun, but being broke and unemployed blows. I really do want to get a job but I see it as pointless to start somewhere when I could be peacing out literally anytime now. Granted, the whole license thing does bring things to a sudden halt, I still don't like the idea of getting hired somewhere only to give my two weeks one week into it. Ya know? Maybe I'm being too thoughtful and should just get a freakin job, but it would make my waiting process feel much more permanent. And I don't want to establish myself here anymore than I already have. This is not my home, and I want it to stay that way until further notice.

In the mean time, I've been creating lots of things. I made Halloween costumes, some drapes for Abbie's mom, a curtain for Nonna, completed my t-shirt quilt, made some baby owls, and I got some canvases to do some more painting! Francyne and I watched Alice in Wonderland and an episode of Heroes yesterday while finishing her quilt. Since we don't have the equipment to meander our quilts, we just decided to get some tapestry needles and do little yarn ties to hold it all together (which has worked out wonderfully by the way).

I'm ready to be on my own so I can travel and visit friends and family at my discretion. It's not that I hate Owasso. I just hate depending on people. But that is all changing. Praise the Lord.

Overcast Brainwaves.

I need to bake today. I'm not sure why but it gives me clarity of mind to let the oven do all the work. I've been sewing SO much lately. I made James' Fantastic Mr. Fox costume and an Ash Ketchum jacket for my sweet friend, Kyle Silver. This weekend was so much fun! Friday night I went out with James, his friend David, and David's lady friend. We ate dinner then worked on Halloween costumes. 

Saturday, I dressed up as a Ganguro from Harajuku street (in Tokyo, Japan). Ganguro literally translates as "Mountain Hag" in Japanese and it's an eccentric subculture that is infamous for neon dyed hair, anime-esque eye makeup, fake tans, and bright beachy clothes. It was a lot of fun to rock this look in public because I've been wanting to do it since I started my makeup madness challenge a while back. 

James and I at IHOP with the group.

Abbie and I organized a two-night group outing with the kids that went with us to Goth Prom at the beginning of the month and some of their friends. We decided to go rollerskating then go to IHOP because everyone knows that pancakes and roller skates go together like peas and carrots.

Heres the group: Peter Pan, two Edward Scissorhands, a plumber, the heroine "Plumber Saver", a gangster, Frodo Baggins, a Harajuku girl, and the heroine "Lady Avenger". (Not pictured: James Bryant as Jason Mraz)

Sunday evening, we went bowling at this sweet place in Broken Arrow called Andy B's. It has a bowling alley, an arcade, and a Go Kart race track. Then we went to Chipotle and took advantage of their $2.00 burrito special that you get if you wrap a part of your Halloween costume in aluminum foil. It was super good and cheap (two of my favorite adjectives when it comes to food). The objective of having two different Halloween celebrations was to give ourselves an excuse two be two different characters. So most of us changed our outfits up completely.

Sunday night's group: Two gangsters, a fairy, Ash Ketchum, Frodo, The Red Queen, Robin Hood, a jester, Fantastic Mister Fox, Euro Trash and an adorable Indian Princess

I was so busy sewing the boys' costumes all day yesterday that I hardly had time to shower. I was going to be Amy Winehouse but I didn't have time to fix my hair (which is the statement maker) so I had to resort to my default look, Euro Trash (a.k.a. The Russel Brand). But it worked out nicely because my friend Ceirra also went with the man look with "the Alan Garner" beard, aviators and baby that she rocked. So, in the end, I didn't feel completely alone in my decision to strip away all feminine beauty and voluntarily subject myself to public humiliation and stares of disgust as I walked through Wal-Mart looking for aluminum foil.

Cee stopped by so we could pose for a picture together. I love her madly. :)

I hope you had a marvelous Halloween weekend!

xoxo, Kristen