A Summer Without Men

I got this book last summer at Borders in Maryland when it was going out of business. I read half of the first chapter and haven't picked it up since. I think now, more than ever, is the right time to journey though this story. Honestly, I'm a little scared. To acknowledge my life without men is to, in my weak mind and to my weaker heart, to subside my conquest in love. I know this is not the case, but I feel it. And rationale never settles well with feelings, like oil and water. Try as I may, they exist as two separate parts.
I fear putting myself first for once, then not being capable of returning to self-less love. I fear narrowing down my playing field by becoming the successful, driven woman I want to be. I fear not finding a man that likes alone time as much as I do. I fear dying alone, being pitied by my fulfilled siblings.
But for every fear, I know there is a rebuttal. For my first fear, my heart will never stop loving, even if I'm not with a man. I know this full well, as I love my family in that exact manner. For my second, the only men that are intimidated by a successful woman are the kind that couldn't make me happy due to their insecurity.
For my third, just as I exist loving passing quiet, meditative hours alone, I'm sure someone of a similar demeanor can share in my appreciation if he likes to read as much as he should. And for my last fear, I realize that my siblings will be stunted economically and educationally because they married young. I have surpassed them already in my accomplishments. If my ultimate priorities lie in furthering myself and having plenty to share with others, I will be fulfilled.
I know I have little to worry about realistically, but that does not ease my mind. For I need worries to occupy my mind here so I don't lose it in this formidably miserable place. I need this: to find sanctuary; to come to terms with my losses; and to move forward. Here's to a summer without men!

Hot Tea and Warm Vocal Cords

I'm embracing my current singleness as a time of emotional cleansing, as well as an opportunity to nurture my talents, that have been neglected for years now. I want to audition for Tops In Blue this fall. Top in Blue is the AF's equivalent to Broadway. It's always been a dream of mine to do stage and vocal performance for a period of time, and I feel like this is the perfect opportunity. I'm single, I don't have any children, and I have no emotional ties to anyone to hold me back from chasing my dreams. I met a Staff Sergeant today that encouraged me to audition for it, so I'm working on getting my voice back in shape. He also encouraged me to do Cannon Idol, Cannon's annual little vocal performance competition.

I'm quitting smoking completely and starting my training now. I'm also going to get together and practice with my friend Jette that did TIB in 2010. There has never been a better time in my life to travel, chase my dreams and do everything I can to make them come true. So I'm setting off on my pursuit to get out of New Mexico and on to bigger and better things.

I also volunteered for a short tour in Korea! Job listings go up tomorrow so, if the Lord wills it (and they need a three-level Broadcaster out there), I could get orders to South Korea! It would be an 18 month tour, and I would get my base of preference afterward! If that happens, I want to go to Guam and live out in the tropics for a bit.

The possibilities are truly endless though. I could go anywhere that has an AFN station (anywhere overseas) or a Public Affairs office (anywhere in the world). I just want to be proactive in getting the hell out of New Mexico. Nothing against AFSOC whatsoever, but this location is completely shitty. People here nicknamed it New Mexistan because the terrain is nearly identical, save for a few measly trees here and there.
As you might know if you're reading my blog, I love trees passionately, and just the outdoors in general. So to be here for my first duty station, it's been quite disappointing at how ugly and isolated this place is from everything that I cherish: art, culture, museums, a good music scene, metropolises and good shopping. This town is lacking all the above; Korea has an abundance of it. I'm ready to find a city where I feel like I belong. I'm ready to relocate again.
I've been living like a gypsy for the last four years now. Moving back and forth from college and Camp War Eagle, then back home, then with Teri, BMT, Tech school, and now here I am. I'm not comfortable establishing roots in this lifestyle, so I'm ready to go somewhere else now. Lord, deliver me from this desert.