Tech School Blues

Dear friends,
I promise I haven't forgotten what it means to blog faithfully. I think and wish I was blogging every time I sit down to write a paper. I'm currently in the 4th most difficult tech school out of all Department of Defense jobs. I was told this would be a challenge when I got here. And now I understand exactly what everyone was talking about. I made the mistake of informing my instructors that I wanted to be the best, not just the best I can be. They're critiques are harsh too, let me tell ya. I haven't straight up been told that I suck but the fact that I've received a 62% on every read (and for different mistakes at that!) makes me feel pretty worthless. 


But, just like anything new I try my hand at, I have to suck at it in order to learn from my mistakes. I have to be told repeatedly what I'm doing wrong in order to get it right. Unfortunately, speaking isn't one of those things that you can re-do immediately (unless you wanna get docked points for stumbling over your words, anyway). This portion of training is only 15.5 days long though, so thankfully I won't suffer this harsh verbal lashing everyday that I'm here.
Tomorrow is a new day though! And I'll be critiqued by a different instructor tomorrow, which should be nice. Change of scenery and audience will help me feel like less of a failure tomorrow when I go into the sound booth. I can't do worse than I've been doing. I can only go up from here, so that is precisely what I shall do.


Aside from my BWAS (Broadcast Writing and Announcing Skills) class being dumb, life here is pretty great. I get to see my brother, sister and brother-in-law this weekend for the first time in over a year! Alas! The Coager kids will finally be reunited! I am so incredibly excited. I have to head back here to Maryland on the 4th, but that's not a bad thing because I'll get to celebrate it all weekend with the sibs. Then I get to celebrate it with my man-friend, Westin, and all of my fun tech school mates! 


I found out my first duty station is Yokota, Japan. I'll be there for three years. CRAZY huh??? I will literally be on the other side of the globe from everyone I love and find comfort in, which is a rather terrifying thought. I know I'll be alright though. I've known this entire time that this was where I would end up, but it's still wild seeing it all come to pass. 


I'm not going to waste anymore time talking or writing about stress. I'm going to pretend it isn't there. Because it isn't. I can only improve from here. I literally have nothing to lose. I'll get to Japan eventually, even if I get recycled. Oh well. :)




Love, love, looove,
K

More Like Me

My life is finally starting to feel like my own again. It's taken a while to adjust to not being at BMT anymore but getting to wear my "civvies" ( "civilian attire") definitely helps. I got to read a book today. And I've been listening to something other than angry MTIs and cadences. Music, literature and dear friends make me feel like I'm still the girl that's been locked up under this "military bearing". I am and always will be a believer in the impossible, in the power of beauty and, most of all, love.

I got on Facebook and looked at photos of my former life and I definitely felt a deep ache that I've been ignoring since the third night that I was at BMT. That third night, I cried myself to sleep, and vowed that I wouldn't do it again for missing home. Now I can't sigh without shuddering a bit. The realization that I'll never return to my previous life is bittersweet. I've chosen the life of a gypsy with the discipline that the military requires. It's pretty weird to think that I may not "settle" anywhere for the next twenty years (i.e. when I could potentially retire from my military career).

Class starts on Thursday for me, and that's when it all begins. Coming here I knew that not a lot of people in the Air Force had a Broadcast job. But, upon arrival, I realized why that is. Broadcast Journalism has the 4th highest drop out rate out of all AFSCs (Air Force jobs)... which means there is a chance that I could fail. But I refuse to accept defeat before I even begin class. I'm sharp, an excellent voice actor, and I already know about what I'm getting myself into. I can do this. And I will not fail.