I miss being overwhelmed by the beauty of people, nature, life and God. Some smells remind me of it. Sometimes the stars are so bright and the sky so clear that I feel the overwhelming joy of beauty flood my body.
But I miss feeling it everyday. I don't know why I thought joining the military would be a good idea for a free spirit like me. Uniforms suck. This base is fugly. Higher ups don't do their job and don't give us a budget but expect us to get our job done without two dimes to rub together.
Politics are a wreck right now and I don't have a choice to stay uninformed by the stupidity because it's my job to know what's going on.
And on top of all that nonsense, I'm pretty positive there's a seriously black mold problem in my building. I've been consistently I'll since I got here at the end of October. Oh Lord, deliver me from this mess that I'm in.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2011: Year of Growth. 2012: Year of Reform.
My word for the year 2011 was "Growth", and grow I did. My life has changed so much since last year and, when I stopped to think about it, I'm blown away. But, as I look into the vast unknown that is known as "My Future", I don't know what it holds, but I know what I hope for. And, little by little, I'm going to meet my goals.
I just woke up from a dream a bit ago that I went back to college. Teri's coming to visit me and she's driving out tomorrow. In my dream, I called her and told her that she only had to drive to Talequah because I was moving to NSU. I was riding with my
mom and we were admiring how lovely the campus was. I would never happily go there, but in my dream it was awesome that I was so close to Teri Beri.
I'll be starting my first college class since I left Stillwater (in May of 2010)
on January 17th, which is two weeks from today! It's so depressing to me when I think that I could be graduating with a degree this May if I had just stuck to it. And what's more depressing is thinking that I haven't been in a college classroom for a year and a half! I went to tech school and BMT, which was six months of intense studying so I'm not out of practice.
It's kind of funny actually because tech school made me crave education, which is why I jumped on the chance to take a class as soon as possible. I only need four more general education classes and a few technical elective hours before I'm done with my CCAF (Community College of the Air Force) degree in Public Affairs.
It's ironic that, while I was at OSU, I desperately wanted a career and now that I have one, I desperately want an education. The grass is always gonna be greener, huh? Having a degree doesn't necessarily make you more respected in the military, but it does help you rank up faster... So I guess it does set you apart. I don't know if I want to commission and I don't know if I want to stay in the Air Force. But right now, I know that I want to prove to myself that I have what it takes to get a bachelors and maybe a masters.
I want to get a degree, move to a big city, and become a radio DJ. I love music, sharing trivial information, and using my radio voice. I know I would absolutely love having that job, AND going out on location to meet people! I suppose I could do that without a degree, but I want to be smarter before I go on the air. Call me vain, but I want to represent myself as best as possible.
No matter what I do or where I go, I want to end up somewhere beautiful, warm and sunny, busy, smart and cultured... and where I can shine and exceed everyone's expectations of me. Myself included. Although 2011 was the year of Growth, 2012 is the year of Reform in which my focus is on coming up with a plan that I can stick to in order to achieve my educational, financial, and personal goals.
I just woke up from a dream a bit ago that I went back to college. Teri's coming to visit me and she's driving out tomorrow. In my dream, I called her and told her that she only had to drive to Talequah because I was moving to NSU. I was riding with my
mom and we were admiring how lovely the campus was. I would never happily go there, but in my dream it was awesome that I was so close to Teri Beri.
I'll be starting my first college class since I left Stillwater (in May of 2010)
on January 17th, which is two weeks from today! It's so depressing to me when I think that I could be graduating with a degree this May if I had just stuck to it. And what's more depressing is thinking that I haven't been in a college classroom for a year and a half! I went to tech school and BMT, which was six months of intense studying so I'm not out of practice.
It's kind of funny actually because tech school made me crave education, which is why I jumped on the chance to take a class as soon as possible. I only need four more general education classes and a few technical elective hours before I'm done with my CCAF (Community College of the Air Force) degree in Public Affairs.
It's ironic that, while I was at OSU, I desperately wanted a career and now that I have one, I desperately want an education. The grass is always gonna be greener, huh? Having a degree doesn't necessarily make you more respected in the military, but it does help you rank up faster... So I guess it does set you apart. I don't know if I want to commission and I don't know if I want to stay in the Air Force. But right now, I know that I want to prove to myself that I have what it takes to get a bachelors and maybe a masters.
I want to get a degree, move to a big city, and become a radio DJ. I love music, sharing trivial information, and using my radio voice. I know I would absolutely love having that job, AND going out on location to meet people! I suppose I could do that without a degree, but I want to be smarter before I go on the air. Call me vain, but I want to represent myself as best as possible.
No matter what I do or where I go, I want to end up somewhere beautiful, warm and sunny, busy, smart and cultured... and where I can shine and exceed everyone's expectations of me. Myself included. Although 2011 was the year of Growth, 2012 is the year of Reform in which my focus is on coming up with a plan that I can stick to in order to achieve my educational, financial, and personal goals.
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