Saturday, November 27, 2010

Quality Control Check List

I've had a list of standards for the kind of man I'd like to marry for a long time. It's been refined over several years of dating here and there. After finding out that the guy I was dating two days ago was a lying man whore, I decided that I should make my standards known to the public so all my friends can watch my back and make sure I'm not compromising. So, here is the list.

#1 He must love Jesus more than He loves me, so he can be the spiritual leader in our relationship.
#2 Must put family before work.
#3 Must be very responsible with money.
#4 Must be decisive and ambitious.
#5 Must be artistic and inspire me.
#6 Must be spontaneous and always willing to try new things, no matter how embarrassing or crazy.
#7 Must be a life-long learner.
#8 Must take me to gallery exhibits, museums, movies, concerts and other various artistic performances without me having to beg. (cough, Harry Potter, cough cough)
#9 Must enjoy musicals, theatre, and my melodramatic tendencies and costume-y wardrobe.
#10 Must have a serious fashion sense and style that compliments mine.
#11 Must love dancing.
#12 Must love my family and friends, no matter how crazy they are.
#13 Must laugh at poop jokes and farting.
#14 Must desire purity.
#15 Must be a perfectly compatible kisser.
#16 Must help me stay organized and work efficiently, because sometimes I work harder, not smarter
#17 Must have a personality that fits perfectly into the dynamics of my siblings.
#18 Must know how to put his feelings into words.
#19 Must never write me cheesy love songs unless they're written as a joke... because otherwise, I'll laugh. Really hard.
#20 Must know the appropriate times to be romantic and affectionate, and when not to be... like not when we're in the kitchen with your entire family.
#21 Must be tall enough for me to fit comfortably and securely in his arms.
#22 Must always encourage me to do what I am passionate about, and never try to talk me out of being in the Air Force " for us".
#23 Must be sensitive to and understand that divorce has made my family life more complicated than necessary, but that he doesn't love them any less because of it.
#24 Must appreciate the occasional alcoholic beverage, but NEVER over-do it. Intoxication is not tolerated.
#25 Must be wiser and stronger than me.
#26 Must desire to live a life of worship and to further the kingdom of God by loving people and investing like Jesus called us to.
#27 Must have an understanding and respect for the supernatural.
#28 Must be a hard worker.
#29 Must be skilled in basic carpentry and know how to chop wood.
#30 Must be willing to compromise and come up with ways to discipline children.
#31 Must have an amazing family that we can spend the holidays with.
#32 Must love reggae, sunshine, potheads, tie dye and huge musical festivals.
#33 Must be lean and athletic. Not chubby or skinny.
#34 Must understand why songs in C minor and rainy days make me want to lay in bed and read all day.
#35 Must be intuitive.
#36 Must love nature, camping, trees, and the stars.
#37 Must love tattoos.
#38 Must be great with children.
#39 Must be musically inclined. At the very least, be able to sing well.
#40 Must appreciate and exercise proper grammatical form and syntax in text messages. (I.E. The proper use of 'to', 'too', and 'two'; 'there', their', and they're', etc.)
#41 Must be well versed in the classics, both film and books.
#42 Must have the same sense of humor as I, and make me peemypants laughing.
#43 Must like shopping.
#44 Must be gentle with his words of constructive criticism, and not harsh enough to make me cry.
#45 Must be very photogenic and look good in plaid.
#46 Must love Harry Potter. Passionately.
#47 Must not be allergic to cats or peanut butter.

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