When I start getting sleepy, my dreams from the night before easily come back to my memory. Anything slightly related can trigger the memory. Just now I was looking at a picture of my ghetto cousin and the caption said something about "trippin shrooms like a gnome". I suddenly remembered my crazy dream from last night. I don't remember the whole story line but what I do remember was insane. I was at a resort for some weekend retreat, and the we all had to drop our bags off at the beach houses we were staying in, get dressed up, and go to the opening night banquet. There was something really strange about this location though, and a few of the people that I was staying with went out to explore. There was a little courtyard behind our house, an open field, and a tree line beyond that. Our courtyard had a pool and a huge flowerbed.
My friends that went exploring went out to the courtyard. We heard them calling for us from upstairs where we were getting ready for the banquet. We went downstairs and we met them at the back door and they were holding lawn gnome statues. They were telling us about the weird remote pond where they found the gnomes, when all of a sudden we realized that the gnome statues they were surrounded by came to life and started creeping towards them! We tried to stay calm so as to not scare our friends or the gnomes. That was, until the statues they were holding also came to life and started squirming for their freedom. We tried to speak quietly to our friends and the gnomes to understand how it was that they were alive and why they had followed our friends home.
They explained to us that we had to hurry up and follow them, which left us no time to pack. They needed our assistance on a magical journey, and we had to go with them. So we followed them along to a grassy knoll, where they immediately went to work creating a fairy ring of magic mushrooms, which was the portal to their magic city. By stepping into this portal though, we were submitting to gnome laws and would, consequently, never be able to return to our lives. The two people that had discovered the gnomes went before me, but I was so afraid. I was afraid of never seeing my family again. I was afraid that I'd never be happy. I was afraid my life would never be the same. And in the moment before I had to tell them that I couldn't be their hero, I forced myself to wake up.
And that was the end of my dream. I don't know why I dreamt about gnomes. Honestly. I have no explanation whatsoever. But I can explain one thing. My fear. I am afraid of being the only person that stands up for what is right. I am afraid that, once I go into the Air Force, I will never see all of my family under one roof ever again. I am afraid that I will never be happy and be stuck in a job that forces me to be alone for the rest of my life. Fear is the only true human emotion that we feel. It triggers the "fight or flight" response in the endocrine system, which is our body's way of preparing us for what is to come. Even though it was just a bunch of gnomes asking me to save their magical race from evil, I couldn't do it. Because I was afraid. I hope I never back down from an adventure again. In a dream or in real life.
Jah Love,
Kristen
Dang interesting dream!! Sounds to me like your scared of change too. Scared that once you go into the AF that things wont be the same as before. But that's just part of growing up right? When my bro got married, I was scared that things wouldn't be the same since he would have his own family and I would never see him again. But I realized that it would be even more weird if we stayed in the same place forever. Change is scary and exciting. When I was getting ready to move to Japan, I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep because I know that EVERYTHING was going to change. My best friend was getting married a few days before I left, and I was super emotional about 'losing' my best friend too. But now that I look back, everything is ok. It would have been weird to live in the same apartment with him forever doing the same things.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe you're not even afraid of change. Which I hope is the case since you want to travel and see the world right?
I guess you just have to make decisions through God-given wisdom and know that he will always be there for you. God is steady and unchanging. The only thing you can rely on. Embrace change. Embrace the fact that your relationship with your family is never going to be the same. You will still love each other, but you're growing up into a women. It's going to be very different. But so exciting :) It's going to be great on the other side. Don't worry, God's got your back.
I'm not afraid of change. In fact, I've learned to readily embrace it because my life has truly been a constant, drastic metamorphosis. I'm ready to go on my adventure of being in the Air Force, but I'm just scared that I'll be just as alone as I am right now. I'm just being an over-analytical girl. That's what I do best. But whether I'm alone or surrounded by gnomes, I'm going into the AF. It's gonna be crazy but I'm ready for some stability and independence.
ReplyDeletemaybe i'm afraid of change, so i just automatically assume everyone else it. that makes sense :)
ReplyDeletehave fun in the chair force!! haha
cracks me up everytime..
haha Projection is the best defense mechanism humans were built with. I'm sure whatever comes next for you will be a lot easier than you expected it to be. That's always how is it for me. I'm get nervous thinking it'll be difficult to adapt, but often I find myself my at home in the next phase of life than my last. I adapt easily, and I have a feeling you do too.
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