Frankie Muniz: Douchey Douchebag

 I should just be sleeping, but instead I'll just write about the dream I had about Frankie Muniz this morning...

So me and two of my girlfriends went to the Jenks Riverwalk for some huge festival they were having. There was a part on the shore where you could drive bumper boats down the river, then follow the course back upstream. My girls and I decided to do it, and when we got back to the shore, Frankie Muniz and his dad were sitting on the side of the river where we were getting out of the water. We made eye contact and I was like "Omg, it's freaking Malcom in the Middle." So we smiled and approached him. He was really nice so I stayed to talk while the girls talked about going to do something else. He invited us to go eat with him and his dad at a little restaurant they had set up in a tent at this festival. The girls declined, but I was like "Heck yeah!". When we got inside the tent, I saw a group of my friends from church. We all waved and smiled, but I was thinking " I don't want to wander off right now, and leave this cool opportunity!" so I left it at distant, wordless salutations.
So throughout this spontaneous lunch together, Frankie, his father and myself make friendly conversation. I told them all about the Air Force, where I'm from and what I'm doing between now and April, when I leave for Basic. When I started talking about going into the Air Force, Frankie started getting all grumpy and tried changing the subject, but his dad was interested so we kept talking about it. Frankie got mad and said he had to go to the bathroom. He left and came back a few minutes later, talking on his phone. When he got back, he told me "It's was really nice to meet you, but I'm really not interested in you, okay? I think you're an airhead, and I don't really have time for this," and stormed off. I was totally taken aback because 1. I didn't know it was a date, 2. I was not aware that  I had put myself out there to get rejected so kindly to my face, and 3. he freaking called me an airhead. I haven't heard that since like 4th grade, when the candy was really popular.
So Frankie the diva stormed off,leaving his Dad and I at the table alone to finish our awkward, ruined lunch together. He apologized profusely, and tried to defend Frankie's misbehavior but I was like "Your son literally does not know me. How can he feel he has the right to insult me like that to my face when we just met?"
  So Daddy Muniz talked me down and I let him pay for lunch. I opened my wallet to grab some change to leave as a tip, and all I had was a 5 and a 20 pound bill. I was never in Jenks. I was never in America. Did I even meet Frankie Muniz?

... The answer is obviously no because it was a dream. But, as I was googling images a bit ago to find his face, I felt my pimp hand twitching. Because I wanted to slappaho. But I think I can forgive him. He never had a normal childhood, so he doesn't stand a chance at being normal. Ever.

El Fin.