The Waiting Place.

Women are hyper-sensitive creatures. I am a woman. I try really hard to maintain my level-headedness, but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. My biggest struggle as of late is letting God be in complete control of my emotions and my future. It's not always easy. For instance, I've had a persistent eye twitch (so cliche, right?) since the day I officially decided to join the Air Force. It's because I am so terrified about what's coming, but I'm not allowing myself to be scared because I know anxiety will do nothing for me. God will always be in control and I just need to get over myself.

I can not live in constant fear of what the Air Force is going to do to me. It's not like I'm selling my soul to the government... I mean, I'm not going into the Marines. I jest, I jest. ( I live with Marines. I can make jokes.) I guess the biggest fear I have is becoming that aunt that never got married or had kids because she joined the military. I don't personally have an aunt like that, but I know there are women (who became aunts) whose life is their job. I've never been that kind of person, but there's a piece of me that is afraid that I'm too much like Liz Lemon. And that I'm going to die very lonely, very bitter and very rich.

I don't know why I'm so worried about it though because the Lord has given me the desire for companionship for a reason, so I don't know why He would leave me hanging just to stew in my own misery (which makes me wonder why I feel so miserable about it sometimes). But it's not about my want or my timing. It's about my needs and His timing. Because it's perfect. He exists outside of time, so why would He get it wrong, ya know? I am constantly caught in this internal conflict where I know that He's not leaving me out to dry, but I feel like I'm stuck in The Waiting Place. I'm not sure if you're familiar with The Waiting Place, but it's this wretched place that first came to existence in the imagination of Dr. Seuss. In "Oh! The Places You'll Go!" it addresses my predicament in the following excerpt:

"The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,

 or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow 

or waiting around for a Yes or No 

or waiting for their hair to grow. 

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around for Friday night 

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake 

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants 

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. 

Everyone is just waiting."

I always think of this place when I think about being in Owasso. I know there's a reason God is having me wait, but I still haven't quite figured out why yet. I wish I knew. But I trust that He knows what He's doing. Dr. Seuss also addressed the part of my life that is to come because the book goes on to say:

"No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. 

You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. 

With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! 

Ready for anything under the sky. 

Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!"

All these Dr. Seuss quotes to say, there is a reason for the madness. I just don't know what it is yet. But I'm learning to deal with the blindness. Pray for me.

 Thank you and good day.

Oh, The Places I'll Go!