Driving.

I don't have my driver's license yet. And I'm 20 years old. I like to pretend it's because I have epilepsy when people ask to see my license and I pull out my permit. It makes me feel justified, even though I have never had a seizure in my life. Yes, I am buying tobacco products. No, you can not judge me or ask why I still depend on my parents for Wal-Mart trips.
My sixteenth birthday seriously sucked, as did the months that proceeded it. I was really depressed at the time and going through rough transitions, like getting kicked out of the house, being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, and moving in with my dad. I had not spoken to him since my sixteenth birthday when  my mom refused to take me to his house so we could eat the birthday cake he'd made for me. He'd just had knee surgery. My step mom had just got a car so she could have come to get me. But she didn't.
       What should have been a really exciting time of personal growth and independence was crippling with pain and the realization that I was a burden. Not much has changed. But I'm tired of being a burden. Unlike Charlotte Lucas or Elizabeth Bennett from "Pride and Prejudice", however, I have the freedom and ability to change my situation... which is precisely what I am going to do. For some reason, I've made crazy emotional connections to others driving, other people being in control of my life because I've always been afraid to really be in control of me. Because it means I have to own up to everything I do wrong. I have to take control of where I am going and how I am going to get there. And that concept really scares the piss outta me. But it must be done, sooner than later.
   I will take control of my future. I will own up to whatever course I go on because, ultimately, I'm not even in control anyway. Jesus is guiding me. I just need to learn how to trust His voice that is telling me what to do.

And now you know the one thing I am most ashamed of... Man, I feel like I just shat my pants in public and accidentally smeared it everywhere. There you have my shat, ladies and gentlemen.