Dear Future, Love Kristen.

Dear Future,

Alone Isn't Lonely by Black Orchid

Life is one wild journey. The way "coincidence" constantly plays a part in my life has made me realize that it is far more than chance that guides me through the tears, the laughter, and the mundane. God has His hand in my life and I hope you acknowledge and live by this truth. It's not easy living life because everything changes so unexpectedly. But I know you're out there. And I know you're waiting for me.
When the Lord decides that it's time for you to reveal yourself to me and become a permanent part of my life, I won't believe it's you at first. I'll doubt you. I'll question my own motives. And I'll cry a lot because I've been disappointed a lot. But everything that I've experienced has been to preserve me for your love. To help me recoil into the arms of my First True Love, so I can wait and heal in the shelter and glory of Jesus Christ. He is making me into the woman that He needs me to be to further His kingdom through art, beauty, and genuine love. I imagine He is taking you through similar lessons right now. Our hearts will remain tender if we remain in Him, and it will work out exactly like it's supposed to for you and I. When the day comes that you pursue me and I run away, do not be discouraged. It is merely a defense mechanism. I won't know who you are at first, and my past has taught me to run away from guys who seem too good to be true... because they are master manipulators, and I can never seem to tell.
Things won't always be easy. Sometimes I will need to cry because I'm not used to real love from men. Sometimes I will say hurtful things and act like I want you to leave, but you must realize I do this to protect myself. Vulnerability is scary. Insecurities are not pretty, but I have a few. I'm afraid you'll cheat on me when I least expect it. I am afraid you'll stop loving me, leave and I won't know why. I'm afraid we won't know how to continue a marriage beyond 16 years because I've never seen it done. I am afraid you'll be the father of my children and not know how to love them. But all these fears aside, I trust you. I know that you will be the man I need you to be on the day that we grow to love each other. Jesus is teaching how to be loving, patient, gentle, forgiving, and self-controlled. I'm never going to be perfect, but dang it I'm going to try. Because I am worth it. And you are worth it. And the beautiful marriage that the Lord will bless us with will be far beyond both of our expectations.

All of that to say this... when you're ready, I'll be ready.

Love,
Kristen