Jesus: Far More than a Felt Board Cut-out

I love people. I really, truly do. But there's this sacred part of my heart that I don't give to people. I used to always throw it at unsuspecting flavors of the week and my "bffl"s. However, I've learned that you simply cannot place your sacred heart in anything but Holy hands. People disappoint. But God has never let me down. Not once. The soft, beating thing in my chest cannot handle exposure to the sickness of this world. The only way I know how to protect it is by leaving it in God's care. By being in His word, loving like He loves me, and serving to glorify Him, my heart is protected. And only here can I love others fully.
I'm getting ready to leave for four years of adventure. And I absolutely cannot wait. But I am not looking forward to leaving those friends that have proven more faithful than family. But it's all part of the plan, the bigger picture. I am thrilled to continue growing in the Word, to know Jesus more intimately, and to share the pure joy of my salvation with whoever will listen.
I am in love with a King that willingly became a servant to all mankind for the sake of Love. My God humbled himself and came in the form of a helpless, vulnerable infant. He suffered and was tempted just like me. He put up with this crazy world so He could understand what we go through. He died a tortured, drawn-out, publicly humiliating death so we would not have to suffer an equal death for our screw-ups. And we are made whole through the blood that was generously poured onto the greedy ground of Calvary. We do not have to live in the rotting, carnal desire of our flesh because when He rose from the dead, we were given new life through Him. We've shed the dead weight, and we are made new! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!" Need I say more?

Seven Swans Day.

Things have been rather exciting and eventful as of late. I found out on Monday that my official leave date is April 5th. Tuesday, I found out I have to enroll in a typing class before the end of January. I've been sick for the last two weeks. It started out as a cold, but turned into a sinus infection, so I finally went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. It just sucks not having energy ALL the time. I'm so ready to start working out again, but it's all been on hold going on three weeks now. I got it from James. Somehow he managed to get well within the first week without taking any medicine and very few vitamins. Apparently my immune system blows compared to his. He says it's because I drink coffee and he doesn't. According to him, caffeine depletes the essential vitamins and nutrients from your body that are necessary to fight off germs.
I've started putting in applications to different places so I can get a full time job somewhere, and maybe a part-time job somewhere else. And since I'm gonna be here for a while, I decided to take a few online classes through TCC. I'm really excited about learning again! I've maintained sanity over the last three months by going for a bike ride or a walk if I needed to get away for a bit. But it's cold and I'm sick so that exercise isn't possible. Laaaaame. So I have to do something to keep myself busy. And painting and reading all the time is just not enough for me. It's losing it's specialness cuz I do it all the time now.
Granted, it's put me in a state of constant inspiration. But it's not enough to suffice my needs mentally. I need more of a challenge, which is ironic because I took off this semester because I thought I was an academic failure and I truly don't know what I want to major in... still. But I'm not going to worry about it. God is so faithful and He works everything out for His glory, which is exactly what I want Him to do with my life. So I'm just going to continue trusting that He'll provide clarification and guidance.

On a different note, it is cold outside. And I've started wearing scarves and sweaters everyday. Although I hate the bitter cold, cutting wind of the Oklahoma plains, I love that it's cold enough to layer. I love layers! And gloves! And fuzzy socks! Thank reminds me, I need to invest in wool socks this winter. Maybe something like this...

I'm looking forward to this evening. James and I are hanging out. I like him a lot. And his momma, Debbie, likes me too so things are working out quite nicely. She bought me a gorgeous scarf the other day just because she was thinking about me. Isn't that so kind? I think he's making me dinner this evening. I love cooking with him. I actually feel useful in the kitchen now! But he's way more creative than I am when it comes to food. I'm always impressed with what he comes up with.

Anyway, I'm off to go hang out at the youth building for a bit. Ta ta!

Community.

Since I've been back from camp, consistency in my relationship with God and with people has been so difficult. It's not that I try to push away from those relationships. I'm just alone a lot, so I've learned to survive by doing my own thing and not getting emotionally attached to anyone. But Jesus is wrecking this habit and replacing it with the straight truth that I need people. I hate needs that I cannot meet by myself, and this is the ultimate admittance of dependency. I need people. More importantly, I need people that need Jesus as much as I do. I need people that love glorifying Him with everything they are. I need a community that is made up of messed up, passionate people that will love me like Jesus loves me.
I love the incredible people that I'm surrounded by here in Owasso. I'm just not used to optional community, so I've become a loner because I genuinely like being alone. Even as I write this, I am the only living thing in my house and I like it. A lot. This is really healthy, I'm sure of it. It's so necessary to have quiet time and reflect on the way things are in your life. But the key to success is taking what you discovered in your quiet time and sharing that with someone else. So that's what this blog is. This is me saying I need people, despite my loner tendencies. If I don't want to hang out, it's not because I hate your guts. I just need to be alone to think.
Please be in my inner circle. Feel free to make yourself a part of my life. Because that's exactly what I need. And I wouldn't be surprised if I know a thing or two that might be able to help you out. I love you because Jesus is showing me how. Let's grow together and show everyone what it looks like to be a God-centered community.

Jah Love, K.

p.s. I finally got my license on Monday and secured my Air Force job. I'm a very late bloomer, what can say?Also, I found out that I'll get to choose my second career (with Broadcast, I get to do one career when I'm home and then Broadcast when I'm overseas). I'm going to choose either Public Affairs or Still Photography. The Air Force is making all my dreams come true. I've wanted to learn to do photography and be a radio dj for quite a while now. All my ambitions are actually being fulfilled. Thanks, Uncle Sam! xoxo

Gratitude.

Listen to the song "Little Things" by India Arie that's posted at the bottom.
 It is the melody that my heart is singing.

I know gratitude is a rather cliche subject to address this month, considering Thanksgiving is minutes away. But a bird must fly, a fish must swim, and a thankful girl must blog about gratitude. That's just how nature works, ladies and gents. I am so blessed (the only churchy word I'll use in this blog. promise) to be totally surrounded by wonderful people who want me to live the best quality life possible. First of all, my four parental units love me so much and they all have different ways of showing it. Mom and Raul are so sweet, randomly call to tell me that they're thinking about me and praying that I have a wonderful day. And Dad and Nonna still go out of their way to do unnecessary kind things like buy me cookies, cook me breakfast, and invite me on all their outings.
They all love me a lot. They let me know by waking me up in the morning with a fresh pot of coffee, going shopping with me at Hobby Lobby and taking on little sewing projects; inviting me to karate class Halloween parties, cleaning up my throw up when I get a stomach virus, and praying for me when I'm stressing about something. Even though divorce sucks, my family is better for the fact that I hit the jackpot on crazy, loving, foreign step parents.
 Also my brother and sister and the coolest people I know. The fact that 1) I am related to them, and 2) we have the exact same smile, makes me pretty dang cool by association, I think. Lauren is a saint on the inside and a beautiful women on the outside. Michael is a wonderful, loving, generous man on the inside and a super duper tough Marine on the outside.
Family is just the beginning of what I am thankful for. Not to mention incredible friends that encourage me and push me to grow in all facets of life. A promising future in the Air Force. An awesome recruiter who has completely changed my perspective of the military. A sweet man friend holds my hand and gets lost in books at Barnes and Noble with me. Constant inspiration to glorify God through my art all over the place. A sweet family that trusts me to teach and take care of their awesome four-year-old son every week. A warm bed. Food to eat. Clean water. A pretty wardrobe. A job that pays me weekly about what people in other countries make in a month.
I cannot take credit for any of the things and people I have in my life. I don't deserve any of it. I didn't earn any of it. There's nothing I could do to deserve the incredible love I have in my life except to give it all back to God. To glorify Him by saying that everything I have and know to be my reality is because He loves me. No other reason.
Thank you, Jesus, for all that you are in my life and all that you will be. Take everything I have and make it beautiful. Make it Yours. May it be so.

Follow the link and watch the music video for "Little Things" by India Arie. It's lovely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xZPMlCkDY8&ob=av2e

Big days.

My new love.

So, I found out a few days ago why I haven't booked my Broadcast job yet. It is a requirement for the job to have your driver's license. And guess who still doesn't have theirs? ... You guessed it! Moi! I know you're probably asking yourself "Why the heck doesn't she have her license at age 20?" I ask myself the same question everyday. But the answer to that question cannot be answered simply, so I'm not even going to try to explain it. But the reason why I brought up one of my few flaws ( because I have so few ha) is because my immobility is about to be terminated. I'm going to get my license on Monday! I was going to wait until the end of the month, but my recruiter called me on Thursday and told me I needed to get it ASAP, or else I might find myself stuck in Owasso for another six more months... which is not exactly an appealing thought.

Hanging out with Francyne, Abbie, James and my parental units all the time make living here fun, but being broke and unemployed blows. I really do want to get a job but I see it as pointless to start somewhere when I could be peacing out literally anytime now. Granted, the whole license thing does bring things to a sudden halt, I still don't like the idea of getting hired somewhere only to give my two weeks one week into it. Ya know? Maybe I'm being too thoughtful and should just get a freakin job, but it would make my waiting process feel much more permanent. And I don't want to establish myself here anymore than I already have. This is not my home, and I want it to stay that way until further notice.

In the mean time, I've been creating lots of things. I made Halloween costumes, some drapes for Abbie's mom, a curtain for Nonna, completed my t-shirt quilt, made some baby owls, and I got some canvases to do some more painting! Francyne and I watched Alice in Wonderland and an episode of Heroes yesterday while finishing her quilt. Since we don't have the equipment to meander our quilts, we just decided to get some tapestry needles and do little yarn ties to hold it all together (which has worked out wonderfully by the way).

I'm ready to be on my own so I can travel and visit friends and family at my discretion. It's not that I hate Owasso. I just hate depending on people. But that is all changing. Praise the Lord.

Overcast Brainwaves.

I need to bake today. I'm not sure why but it gives me clarity of mind to let the oven do all the work. I've been sewing SO much lately. I made James' Fantastic Mr. Fox costume and an Ash Ketchum jacket for my sweet friend, Kyle Silver. This weekend was so much fun! Friday night I went out with James, his friend David, and David's lady friend. We ate dinner then worked on Halloween costumes. 

Saturday, I dressed up as a Ganguro from Harajuku street (in Tokyo, Japan). Ganguro literally translates as "Mountain Hag" in Japanese and it's an eccentric subculture that is infamous for neon dyed hair, anime-esque eye makeup, fake tans, and bright beachy clothes. It was a lot of fun to rock this look in public because I've been wanting to do it since I started my makeup madness challenge a while back. 

James and I at IHOP with the group.

Abbie and I organized a two-night group outing with the kids that went with us to Goth Prom at the beginning of the month and some of their friends. We decided to go rollerskating then go to IHOP because everyone knows that pancakes and roller skates go together like peas and carrots.

Heres the group: Peter Pan, two Edward Scissorhands, a plumber, the heroine "Plumber Saver", a gangster, Frodo Baggins, a Harajuku girl, and the heroine "Lady Avenger". (Not pictured: James Bryant as Jason Mraz)

Sunday evening, we went bowling at this sweet place in Broken Arrow called Andy B's. It has a bowling alley, an arcade, and a Go Kart race track. Then we went to Chipotle and took advantage of their $2.00 burrito special that you get if you wrap a part of your Halloween costume in aluminum foil. It was super good and cheap (two of my favorite adjectives when it comes to food). The objective of having two different Halloween celebrations was to give ourselves an excuse two be two different characters. So most of us changed our outfits up completely.

Sunday night's group: Two gangsters, a fairy, Ash Ketchum, Frodo, The Red Queen, Robin Hood, a jester, Fantastic Mister Fox, Euro Trash and an adorable Indian Princess

I was so busy sewing the boys' costumes all day yesterday that I hardly had time to shower. I was going to be Amy Winehouse but I didn't have time to fix my hair (which is the statement maker) so I had to resort to my default look, Euro Trash (a.k.a. The Russel Brand). But it worked out nicely because my friend Ceirra also went with the man look with "the Alan Garner" beard, aviators and baby that she rocked. So, in the end, I didn't feel completely alone in my decision to strip away all feminine beauty and voluntarily subject myself to public humiliation and stares of disgust as I walked through Wal-Mart looking for aluminum foil.

Cee stopped by so we could pose for a picture together. I love her madly. :)

I hope you had a marvelous Halloween weekend!

xoxo, Kristen

A Very Merry Unbirthday.

I've had a really great weekend. James and I went to OktoberFest Thursday evening with his crazy friend, then had a ten minute dance party in his kitchen. Friday we ate chili, played hide and seek and carved pumpkins with his family.

This is my skull and crescent moon carving on a white pumpkin.

James carved an owl with moons and stars and Daniel, his brother, went with a traditional Jack-o-lantern face.

 Saturday, a few girls from Xtreme met me at the John 3:16 Mission run and we helped operate a water station. I went to lunch with a sweet, dear friend from high school and she recruited me to read a novel for her to help her with an honors class that she's in. Saturday night, James and I went to the final installation of the Jurassic Park trilogy dinner parties. Tonight we baked cookies and rode our bikes through the neighborhood until we got lost. Thanks to his fantastic navigation skills, we found our way back to my house. I love super chill weekends.

Today is my half birthday, which means I have exactly six months before I'm 21. That doesn't mean much to me so I'm not super thrilled about it. I'm just looking forward to not being 20 anymore. I feel so young. My age does not reflect how old I feel inside. Is that normal? I'm sure it is. No one is ever happy with what they are or what they have. They always want the next best thing. My year of being 20 may be better than my 21st year. But you just never know. That's the nice thing about life. It's not very predictable.